Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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