you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
