Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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