he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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