So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
