Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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