you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
