You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
