You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
