i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
