So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
