I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
