If i come over, it means nothing
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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