In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just invented taco cereal.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
