THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
