I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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