I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
