I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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