I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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