if you like me you must not know who I am
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
