i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
