drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish i was in the wii world.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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