There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
