Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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