Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
