Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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