His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
