You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
