Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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