I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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