whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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