my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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