he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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