nut hugger
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
