i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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