I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
