I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
