Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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