New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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