Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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