Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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