I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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