youre lurking in front of me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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