Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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