I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
