Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
