This is not my ceiling
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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