I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
