She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
