She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
