Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
