Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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