You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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