there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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