She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
