just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
