just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
