Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
