Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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