State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
