it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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