There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize