He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my shit smells like andre
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
