I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
