Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How does it feel to date your dad?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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