when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
