Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
