He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
