one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
