i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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