Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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