i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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