My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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