I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
